One of the things I struggle with constantly is how to effectively communicate. I always joke that I was a mass communications major in undergrad(and graduate school) but I have a hard time communicating more than what’s on the surface. For me, it’s an irrational fear that I don’t have control over my words or emotions.
When it comes to my feelings, not being able to communicate means holding everything in. I’ve had several emotional breakdowns where everything I’ve felt over a period of time comes out at once. It’s a hot mess really because I’m hysterical and when I’m the most emotional. I’m not the best at communicating anything verbally; non-verbal is more my speed. Not being able to share my feelings is only one thing…FEAR. It’s an irrational fear that wins every time. Holding in all those thoughts and feelings builds up more anger than I’d like to hold on to; it creates more difficult situations I can’t handle.
Communication just brings a clarity to everything so there aren’t any problems. My boyfriend likes to say he wants to keep things transparent. Again, transparency eliminates any kinds of surprises that could possibly arise. I know the reason I’m fearful on being completely transparent is I’ve never had to be before with anyone.
Effectively communication is a thing I have to learn to become more comfortable with for the sake of not only my mental, physical, and emotional health but also for my relationship(s) to work and progress.